violated

went to the midwife during my blog boycott and had quite the amusing story to tell.....but since i was mad at you all...i kept this great work of art to myself. chuckling from time to myself. laughing at exxon and his/her little adventurous fingers while we spent spent quiet  time together.

i was in for my 26 week check up. i go to the midwife once a month to make sure all is kosher cool. sitting on the edge of my chair anxiously awaiting to find out if i needed to have a vaginal exam for this visit...bc i love them oh so much....
the midwife comes strolling in, sees the panicked look on my face "dont worry. its not time yet. your next vag exam will be at 36 weeks or so"
 PHEW!
getting those checks down yonder are about as fun as having an unusually large pimple on your bum and sitting on a concrete step for hours.
so as we sat there and discussed baby stuff i felt it.
the midwifes voice all of a sudden became the teacher from charlie brown "muah muah, muah muah muah mauh...."
my eyes got as large as oprahs bum and teared up.
my jaw swung open, hung agape, and no words were able to be released....she recognized that an open mouth from crystal with no words a'flowing WAS VERY UNUSUAL
"are you ok?! whats going on??"
i could barely formulate the words......
"something... touched.... my butthole.....just now"
i was frozen with fear.
violated!!!!

"i was just violated! i think the baby touched my butthole!!"  she tried to calm me through her vibrant laughter explaining that if the baby touches your cervix, it has nerves that lead to your brown eye, and it MIGHT feel like that's where it touched.... but it actually just smacked against your cervix

violation without permission is crap lol ---YOURE GROUNDED BABY!!!!